The next time you feel like telling me that women aren’t a minority because “there are more women than men,”  you would be wise to remember that three boats of white men with Christopher Columbus created a genocide of countless Native Americans.

It’s not about the numbers. It’s about the power.

Usually I’m not one to get excited about shows, but this looks beyond rad:

Who’s in? Is it wrong to think that the merch alone will be worth it?

Actually, a hallucination is different from an illusion. A hallucination is seeing something that was never there in the first place; an illusion is the misperception of something that is there. I have hallucinated twice, shortly before my mom died. Once, I saw a bus coming towards me – I looked down, and when I looked back up, it had vanished. The second time, I saw a dog between the sidewalk and the road. I blinked, and it was gone. I don’t place any great significance in either of these two occurrences.
Illusions are more interesting, I think, anyways.  I had one about five years ago, in a bookstore.  Suddenly everything in my field of vision jumped slightly the left and then back to its rightful place: the visual equivalent of hearing a CD skip. Recently though, the illusions have increased in frequency. There was some graffiti on the bus that looked like it was still being drawn by an invisible hand; today the coiled phone cord moved several inches towards me. It’s hard to know what to make of this. As it’s happening, I feel stunned, but later I’m left with an uncanny feeling that

1. “Wifebeater”

Really? We’ve really become so casual about domestic violence that we’ve named a fucking shirt after it? Really?

2. “Tramp stamp”

Because we really don’t have enough ways to denigrate women about their bodies/tattoos/choices/sexuality.

3. “box” (in reference to a vagina/vaginal area)

When people get upset about language that objectifies women, this is what they mean. Once you’ve reduced the area of a woman’s body that’s responsible for bringing human lives into the world (not to mention, the main source of her sexual gratification) to, literally, an ACTUAL OBJECT, it’s a steep, scary slope to seeing women as not much else.

As many of you probably know, working in customer service is a thankless task in a depressing industry that mostly only serves to remind you to be polite to others working in customer service because they hate their jobs as much as you do, and to push you into getting a job that forces more responsibility upon you but that (mostly) relieves you of dealing with morons all day (actually, some days that’s pretty debatable).

That being said, there are some perks to working in customer service. One of those perks is, strangely enough, being mentioned (however inaccurately or vaguely) in local free papers (i.e., Toronto’s NOW, Hamilton’s VIEW). The NOW piece is old. I’m not trying to ride someone else’s hotness. Also, I should note that I probably should’ve been working at the Beguiling, not the Silver Snail.
Check it out:

This is when the endorsement deals start rolling in, right?

Pictures are finally up:

Part One: www.flickr.com/photos/theusualspy

Part Two: www.flickr.com/photos/robotnation

So, four months later, I’m finally getting around to posting the rest of these pictures. They’re not even that exciting, to be honest. Well, to me they’re pretty awesome because they remind me of a time when I didn’t wear 18 layers of clothing every day. I can barely remember that time, but these pictures prove to me that a time like that really did once exist…once…

Unfinished/hurricane ravished bridge

Seven mile bridge. Before coming to Miami, I was really super excited to go on this bridge. I’m not sure why. Anyways, it didn’t disappoint.

In Key West

Hemingway’s pool. I want to live in Hemingway’s house. It’s incredible. If I could live in Key West from…let’s say…November until April, I’d be really happy. And his house is my dream house. Let’s review why:

1. Has a pool

2. Has TWO veranda’s (on first and second floor)

3. Has second, smaller house on property where Hemingway wrote

4. Cats

5. In warm, awesome climate

Front of house

Second floor veranda

In Key West

Conch fritter stand. I didn’t have any of these. They seem gross.

Beach at Key West

Best museum you can ever visit in any city.

Inside Ripley’s. This was some kind of “Vortex of (whatever)”. In this picture it looks pretty cheap, but it was pretty crazy. A couple steps in, you’re like, “this is no big deal, whatever.” And then suddenly you’re like, “there’s no possible way I can make it to the other side of this fucking bridge without falling over and looking like an idiot. Is that exit sign turning upside down? I’m going to die. I’m going to die here, in the Vortex, in the Ripley’s Believe It or Not museum in Key West. That’s pretty fucking embarrassing.”

If I could be re-born as anything, it would be a cat. Probably as a cat in Key West, because no one expects anything from you. Even if there’s a rooster two feet away from you, you can just sit there and not do a goddamn thing.

Rainstorm #2 in Florida. I love the storms in Florida. They’re super intense, so they’re exciting, but they only last for a little while, so it’s no big deal (well, hurricanes notwithstanding).

My brother eats about 8 times a day, so the first place we went when we got to Miami was a Cuban restaurant in Little Havana. Although none of us can really speak Spanish that well, we sort of worked our way through it. My brother was drawn to this giant rooster. It’s wearing an apron.

Bienvenito a Miami

Miami Ink. Unfortunately, they were closed. Although, I doubt that they welcome gawkers…But does anyone else think that Kat Von D. and Ami are both super hot?

Lincoln Road in Miami. Because if there’s one thing Lincoln loved, it was shopping. And the theatre.

Art deco architecture. Miami is a pretty cool city. The building are so different…why do all cities look the same now?

Rollin’ in my 5.0
With my rag-top down so my hair can blow
The girlies on standby waving just to say hi
Did you stop no I just drove by
Kept on pursuing to the next stop
I busted a left and I’m heading to the next block
The block was dead

Yo so I continued to A1A Beachfront Avenue

The biggest vegetarian restaurant I’ve ever been in. It was amazing, but a weird experience. In all my years of being a vegetarian, I’ve never been to a vegetarian restaurant this size…it was like a regular restaurant!

Inside the restaurant

Have you ever seen a Rolls in parking lot of a vegetarian restaurant? I think it’s run by the mafia or something.

New Pumas. These will be my summer pumas.

I hate getting used to wearing sandals. It never goes well for me.

The Vizcaya Museum and Gardens. Fancy!!

Have you ever heard of jai-alai? I had, but had no idea what it really was. Unbeknownst to me, however, my brother has been fascinated with it ever since the mid-80s when he read in the Guinness Book of World Records that it was “the fastest game on earth.” It’s pretty amazing to watch.

okay, that’s it!! Yay!!! Good times.

 You may not know this, but I’ve always assumed that my life would go something like this:

1. finish university;

2. write the great Canadian novel;

3. move to New York;

4. spend the rest of my life reading and writing novels.  And not just any novels, but great, life-changing, life-affirming novels.

So why has this not happened?

1. Despite my recent months of unemployment, I am currently pretty busy.  When I am home during the week, I am either sleeping, or thinking about how I should be sleeping.  Or doing laundry.  But mostly sleeping.

2.  When I’m home during the weekend, I enjoy wasting my time doing absolutely nothing of note.  For example, today I read trashy magazines and watched about 300 episodes of Seinfeld on DVD.

3. I am afraid that if I DO actually start writing something, I’ll realize how much it sucks, and my plans will be ruined forever.  Although recently, a friend pointed out that writing is in the re-writing, so I should just start writing.  This struck a chord with me because this is how I approached my academic papers.  So I guess I should just get started, right?

But Seinfeld is SO FUNNY!  Sigh.

And the struggle continues…

Totally awesome, totally cool
I got a new haircut
and it totally rules!
It’s totally awesome and…

TOTALLY COOL!

(jump with high-kick)

PS: Does anyone else think that I kind of look like a dude in this picture?